I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that it’s been 3 entire months with our baby boy. And what an epic adventure its been so far. I love being a mom. Truly love it to my very core. This is coming from someone who didn’t know they ever wanted to become a mother. I’m a puddle of emotions that my head nor my heart can fully comprehend. It’s all consuming and incredibly humbling and much, much bigger than me. It’s also harder and better than anything I could have ever imagined.
I, per usual, have much to say about motherhood, my experience of navigating this abroad and our journey in arriving here. I’ll do my best to share this “brain dump” in a palatable way.
Fire Horse
Filippos was born a day before Vasilis’ birthday and was born in the year of the Fire Horse. Officially two Taurus men in the house. When I read up about it and words like adventurous, strong-willed, energetic, fierce and independent kept resurfacing, I knew this was going to be my kid. I also love that Filippos, in ancient Greek, means lover of horses. I learned that after we had settled on the name, but loved the coincidence.
Filippos seems to be a combination of the both of us so far, both in temperament and in looks. He’s a curious soul, very feisty with an opinion. He loves his sleep but also never wants to miss out on his surroundings. He’s started smiling and giggling and babbles non stop. He’s exposed to three languages on a regular basis, so I’m really excited to see which language he will start speaking in. Overall, he’s one very happy and very opinionated babe.
While I was nervous about the newborn stage, I really have loved watching him grow and develop these past few months. It truly is the wildest thing. What a privilege it is to see the world through his eyes and have a role in shaping his journey.
*Side note: I have been collecting vintage art and trinkets for decades at this point and without even realizing it, always gravitated towards equestrian pieces. My mom recently pointed out that my art and sculptures were all of horses in different forms and I love that. Like I’ve been preparing for the arrival of my fire horse all this time.
A Humbling Act
This is a hard lesson for me and one I am still learning on a daily basis. If this entire experience has taught me anything, it is that this journey of motherhood is an act of complete and utter surrender. I have been humbled in every which way; by what my body can do (breastfeeding is insane), by the medical team that were with me every step of the way, by my child and what’s required to care for him. I am in awe and in great respect and appreciation for all women who have chosen the route of motherhood. For the female body in all its proportions. It truly is miraculous to witness. For present partners. For a healthy and happy boy that brings out the best version of me. And for the village that it undeniably takes to make the world turn.
Recovery & Things
We ended up hiring a night nurse and this was by far, the very best investment we have. ever. made. Marina stayed with us 6 weeks in total and allowed me to rest and recover during that postpartum haze. She also sleep-trained Filippos so that by the end of the 6 weeks he was sleeping from 11-7. Read that again! I can write an entire post on our experience and the process, but if you’ve ever thought about it or even considered a night nurse, I can’t recommend it enough. I truly believe that I didn’t have a PP hormonal drop off or deal with any depression because of the support that we had in those first weeks. And Marina is a beast. She is no bullshit in the best kind of way and is definitely strict. Honestly, she’s not for everyone but that’s precisely why we chose her. We wanted someone who had experience of course, but also who was going to turn us into confident parents. And so she did.
An added bonus? Since she had the night shift, that meant Vasilis and I could enjoy the occasional date night and feel a bit of normalcy in this otherwise huge transition. This too was imperative for me. There is no doubt that a child changes a relationship – I have a feeling this will be an ongoing journey – but that little extra time together allowed us to feel, well… still like us.
The New Generation of Men
I guess the saying is true but seeing Vasilis take on his role as a father makes me fall more in love with him. He’s so hands on, wants to learn and is so tender and loving with Filippos. He will definitely end up being the fun parent though and I’m ok with that! It’s also incredibly healing to see this new generation of men as present fathers (daddy issues be gone!) Not to mention, making me feel beautiful and desired at my most vulnerable. Filippos is one lucky dude to have Vasilis as his role model and I am so honored to do this journey alongside him.
To the Beat of My Own Drum
As most of you may have noticed, I announced both my pregnancy and the arrival of Filippos on the same day. It was so hard to keep things quiet, for obvious reasons. First and foremost, at some point I could no longer hide my basketball-sized belly but also, there were times that felt excruciatingly isolating. This is the way I work however. Whenever I have a big or daunting life event ahead of me, I tend to draw inwards and in a desperate attempt, drown out the noise. It’s my process. Otherwise, it tends to feel overwhelming. Everyone has an opinion on what and how you should do things and that noise can cloud your own judgement. If you’re familiar with human design, then in true “manifestor” energy, I tend to act first and reveal later.
I never shared my official due date and ladies, if you’re expecting, I would highly recommend. Self-preservation, let’s call it. Share the month, sure… but the actual date? Who wants to deal with “have you delivered yet?” and “any day now” among other well-intentioned but annoying messages nonetheless. Everyone will know when you’ve had the baby, when you’re ready to share the news.
It’s All Greek to Me
I had a text-book pregnancy and a fairly easy birth, despite being in labor for 13 hours. I was determined to have Filippos naturally and with Greece having the highest c-section rate in all of Europe, refused to be pushed into becoming yet another statistic. We had a fantastic team the entire pregnancy and birth – a husband and wife duo, he the OBGYN and she the midwife. The hospital stay was a welcomed surprise. And guys, the food at the hospital. I was fed 6 times a day and it was some of the best food I’ve had. Period. Restaurant level. I had ribeye steak, fresh fish, braised cheeks with celeriac root puree, chocolate mousse with raspberry sauce. It was wild. Honestly, we both felt like we finally got that vacation we so desperately needed. America, take notes.
Overall, having had so much fear around birth itself and then adding the element of doing it all in a foreign country felt, well, terrifying. I educated myself as much as possible, to a point of obsession, really. I took things day by day and always advocated for myself. And I have to say, my experience was really incredible and I feel very grateful. If I knew that this would have been my experience, I would have done it sooner, or even perhaps, do it again. I haven’t decided if I am going to share my birth story or not, even though I do believe we need more positive birth stories shared publicly. But I do feel compelled to share guidance to any to-be mothers navigating this in Greece, please reach out to me.
Motherhood: A Choice
I never knew if I wanted to be a mother. I didn’t have that maternal pull towards wanting a child. The thought of pregnancy and birth were beyond my comprehension. Simply put, it was not something I ever wanted to experience. I had been married, divorced and moved to a foreign country single and at the ripe age of 32. Finding a life partner and bearing children weren’t exactly at the forefront of my decision making. Actually, they held no weight at all. I had come to peace with never getting remarried or having a family.
A few months into our relationship together, both Vasilis and I had dealbreakers that we couldn’t seem to move past. I, not knowing if I wanted to get married again and have children and Vasilis on considering ever moving from Greece. These were only resolved with time and letting our relationship evolve naturally, without any added pressure from either side. 7 years later and here we are.
I will say this over and over again. The right partner will inspire concepts and notions in you, that you yourself may have never known you wanted. Being open to evolving with your partner is key. It’s ok to change your mind. I believe this to my very core.
I also believe that getting pregnant, for lack of better words, is the “easiest” part of motherhood and I say that with sensitivity to those struggling with infertility. Being a present and loving mother, however, takes constant effort. A lifetime of it, in fact. And a decision of this magnitude should not be taken lightly. It should be taken with the same weight in which the sacrifice and responsibility asks of us.
I bring this up because there could have been many opportunities where I could have chosen to bear a child sooner. With my biological clock ticking, I likely should have been more keen on focusing my attention there. We wanted to be mindful of our choice to start a family and certain that it was as much of the right time as possible. But there really never is a “right time”, is there?
For planners, of which we both are, I ended up getting pregnant during a time of complete instability in our lives. I was building a new business, we were amidst yet another renovation and everything, per usual, felt like pure fucking chaos. And you know what this all taught me? Resilience. I knew I had it but this made me level up.
39 Years Around the Sun
I also welcomed my 39th year a week before and I wanted to reflect on my life journey so far. Journey is putting it lightly. It’s been a goddamn odyssey. So, as I enter my last year of this decade, sharing some of the things I’ve learned and have held on to:
- My superpower is making the most out of any situation and finding where the opportunities lie.
- Life is messy and chaotic and unpredictable and ultimately, that’s what makes it so damn beautiful.
- It’s 100% ok to change your mind and have new thoughts about old ideas.
- There’s really only one way to get over your fear and that’s to go right through it.
- Boundaries and saying “no” are self-preservation.
- I can create a beautiful and warm home, no matter where in the world I find myself.
- Women are absolute beasts. May we all learn to respect and honor them in their resilience.
- Mountains > Sea
- You’ll never be ready. Stop overthinking everything. Sometimes, you need to simply get out of your head and take the leap. Or as my mother so eloquently puts it, “shit or get off the pot”.
- Happiness trickles down. Take time for your partner and for your marriage. Happy and in love parents make for happy children.
- I revert inward to do my best work and I’ve always thought that as a flaw. Drowning out the noise doesn’t make you antisocial, it allows for space to align with yourself.
- Surrendering does not mean defeat.
- Stop labeling things. The best relationships come out of opportunities that don’t carry the weight of a label. Let things evolve naturally. This applies to all relationships. Not everything is meant to fit into a box.
- Like attracts like. Your energy and the way you value yourself will ultimately attract what you believe (subconsciously or otherwise) you deserve. So, be nice to yourself.
- Learning that I am a manifestor clarified so many things about my personality. I finally felt seen. Might feel woo woo but do yourself a favor and look into your human design chart.
- Be your own biggest advocate. Educate yourself, do your research, absorb as much information as you find helpful, ask questions and then make educated decisions based on the information you have on hand. No one knows you (or your body, or your child, or your marriage, etc. etc) better than you do.
- I’m over hustle culture no matter how familiar it may feel.
- “Choosing me” was the catalyst in unlocking so many beautiful rewards in life. And it doesn’t make me selfish.
- Enjoy your own company. Take yourself out on a solo date, learn something new, travel. In order to attract the right partner, you need to be on good terms with yourself.
- Send a handwritten letter or card. In this digital age, there is nothing more special than dedicating the time to sit down and write something.
- Define success on your own terms and fuck timing. You’ll know when things are right for you.
- Europe will never, ever be as convenient as the States (sigh) but it does seem to suit me better.
- Understand what motivates and drives you. Then keep that at the forefront of everything you do.
- Authenticity is your leverage. In a world meant to celebrate authenticity, it seems we’ve moved so far away from it and the ideal of beauty, in all its forms, has simply become homogenized.
- Read as much as possible.
- Resilience, persistence and discipline are far more important attributes to “succeeding” than anything else.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Nothing exciting will happen there.
- Find a hobby that allows you to work with your hands. Music, gardening, painting. Whatever it may be, I believe there is something so important about tactile “work” that allows your mind to wander.
- Make space to think and be with your thoughts.
- Creativity cannot be forced. You have to strike the balance of being able to go out and live your life so that you can create from your inspiration.
- Don’t be afraid of hard work. Period.
- Growth is uncomfortable. Once you accept that, you can level up. And don’t settle, especially out of the fear of the unknown. You have to be ok with the worst possible outcome and do it anyway.
- Palmer changed me for the better and has brought so much joy to my life. Dogs truly are the best medicine.
- Move your body.
- After moving from the States, I realized how much consumerism played a role in my lifestyle there. I will always love to shop and still do, but it feels nice to not have it constantly shoved down my throat.
- Date your spouse. Have standing date nights, get dressed up even if it’s at home. Find ways to keep things fresh and exciting. Everything good requires effort.
- Find your own style – this is for everything from your home decor to your wardrobe. Don’t question why you like something. If it speaks to you, buy it. Trends are fun but come and go. Find what sparks joy. After a while, you’ll start to see a common denominator in what you’re attracted to. Listen to that.
- Power dynamics ebb and flow. There are different seasons in life.
- Check in with yourself. Regularly. Or as often or as little as you need. You have the right to change your mind and reevaluate elements of your life. What’s working, what’s not. Then fine tune accordingly. Nothing is meant to be permanent or stagnant. We are constantly growing and evolving. Our lives should reflect that.
It’s been a long while since I’ve come on here and I am really excited to explore how I will continue to show up here in this new chapter of life! Thank you for being patient with me x
