I’ve written, rewritten and deleted this post far too many times. I’ve struggled with finding the right words, how much to share and what to keep private. This blog is here to inspire not only myself but all of you and I like to keep it that way- positive. In the same light, I need to be true to myself and be real with all of you. Why? Maybe putting these thoughts onto “paper” will bring me some closure and maybe it will offer solace to anyone who’s gone through the same difficulty. Maybe, even, some of you will have words of wisdom that I may be far too blind to see at this moment in time. Either way, these words, these thoughts and this moment in my life, deserved a space all its own today.
I never dreamt of a white wedding or diamond rings, of playing house or even having children. I was never opposed to any of those things, it just was never at the top of my priorities. I did however; find a man that I wanted to build a life with. And the rest of the “conventional” desires and wishes came naturally. Who would have thought…Me? A hopeless romantic? This chapter in my life has unfortunately come to an end. A chapter in my life of which I am utterly grateful for. One that has taught me so much about myself- my wants and wishes, who I am as a person and what I’m capable of.
The funny thing about divorce, if there is anything funny about it at all, is it doesn’t kill you. It takes the breath from your lungs, it shatters your heart into tiny little pieces and it literally turns your world upside down… But it doesn’t kill you. I’m so deeply saddened that my marriage to a wonderful man didn’t work out. There are no words beyond that, that I can express what 5 years together has brought me. And for whatever reasons, ones of which I won’t be aware of, I’m sure, for quite a while, we weren’t able to continue past this point.
Now, I focus on finding solid ground- both physically and emotionally. Of rebuilding myself piece by piece. Of surrounding myself with positive people who love me. Of showing myself the love I need. Of finding ways to laugh through the tears. And of sending nothing but positive energy out into the world and especially to the man that carried the title of “husband” for 5 years. There is no rule book to tell you how to cope with moments like these. I suppose you find a formula that works for you.
This blog is so special to me, it’s a work of passion, time, love and most-definitely tears over the years. So, it won’t fall to the waste side. I just ask for a bit of patience if there should be some radio silence on my end. Know that I’m taking it day by day so I can come back stronger, more creative and inspired.
Thanks to all of you that have been my side and supportive through all of this- you know who you are. Xx