Metamorphosis

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I’ve written, rewritten and deleted this post far too many times. I’ve struggled with finding the right words, how much to share and what to keep private. This blog is here to inspire not only myself but all of you and I like to keep it that way- positive. In the same light, I need to be true to myself and be real with all of you. Why? Maybe putting these thoughts onto “paper” will bring me some closure and maybe it will offer solace to anyone who’s gone through the same difficulty. Maybe, even, some of you will have words of wisdom that I may be far too blind to see at this moment in time. Either way, these words, these thoughts and this moment in my life, deserved a space all its own today.

I never dreamt of a white wedding or diamond rings, of playing house or even having children. I was never opposed to any of those things, it just was never at the top of my priorities. I did however; find a man that I wanted to build a life with. And the rest of the “conventional” desires and wishes came naturally. Who would have thought…Me? A hopeless romantic? This chapter in my life has unfortunately come to an end. A chapter in my life of which I am utterly grateful for. One that has taught me so much about myself- my wants and wishes, who I am as a person and what I’m capable of.

The funny thing about divorce, if there is anything funny about it at all, is it doesn’t kill you. It takes the breath from your lungs, it shatters your heart into tiny little pieces and it literally turns your world upside down… But it doesn’t kill you. I’m so deeply saddened that my marriage to a wonderful man didn’t work out. There are no words beyond that, that I can express what 5 years together has brought me. And for whatever reasons, ones of which I won’t be aware of,  I’m sure, for quite a while, we weren’t able to continue past this point.

Now, I focus on finding solid ground- both physically and emotionally. Of rebuilding myself piece by piece. Of surrounding myself with positive people who love me. Of showing myself the love I need. Of finding ways to laugh through the tears. And of sending nothing but positive energy out into the world and especially to the man that carried the title of “husband” for 5 years. There is no rule book to tell you how to cope with moments like these. I suppose you find a formula that works for you.

This blog is so special to me, it’s a work of passion, time, love and most-definitely tears over the years. So, it won’t fall to the waste side. I just ask for a bit of patience if there should be some radio silence on my end. Know that I’m taking it day by day so I can come back stronger, more creative and inspired.

Thanks to all of you that have been my side and supportive through all of this- you know who you are. Xx

19 thoughts on “Metamorphosis

  1. Zarina

    i love your blog, you are such a beautiful woman. you are so brave to reveal this, i admire you. your grace and class and composure. i wish you all the best wishes in your future chapters; may they be more beautiful than the last. you deserve the ultimate best! XO through this hard time, i can’t imagine what you are dealing with but you are so strong and will come out even better.

      1. Genevieve

        Keith & Isobel RobinsonPosted on 22 February, 2012 at 9:49 PMReally enjoying the blog and the photos! Keep sending the latest.House is lovely !- oops -miserable and quiet without you Ja!n&yDone#8217;t go mad on those ski slopes!Hope you all enjoy and appreciate the great experience!!

  2. Georgia

    You’re very brave. You have always been an inspiration to me and now through your blog other woman can feel that divorce is not the end. I’m proud of you and taking the opportunity to have such a personal dialogue we us. I wish you nothing but the best. I love you.

    1. Yana Puaca Post author

      Thank you, G. I hope this helps anyone going through something difficult and life-changing and also for myself to find some peace and closure. Love you! xx

  3. Connie

    I’m sorry to hear that. Have faith that the road you’re walking will take you where you want to go.

  4. Enzo

    When I met you first time I had just broken up after six years. I was feeling real bad, but you made me smile. You, a person who I had just met and knew nothing about me, a person I didn’t know yet would have become one of my best friends ever. I wish I could give you back now a little part of that precious smile you gave to me. I know it’s not possible from so far away. I also know that it’s impossible to caress your heart to soothe it right now. But just get my hug and know that whatever you need I’ll be here for you like you were here for me. Ti voglio bene.

    1. Yana Puaca Post author

      Oh, Enzo! Your comment made me smile. I am so grateful for our friendship- even if we don’t talk all the time and we live in different countries, we just pick up where we left off. Like no time has passed. Grateful for bumping into you that evening in Rome. Hope to see you soon, friend. Anche io, ti voglio bene! Un bacio a te!

  5. Gina

    This is beautiful- you have a gift. It’s going to be hard to move past this but you will. You will be stronger in the end. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and time heals all wounds. I have lived by these sayings throughout hard times in my life and they’re true! ? Xoxo

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