Here I Am, Here I Stand


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To feel so deeply, intensely; emotions brimming at the surface, barely contained. I’ve always been this way. I cried one entire summer, every day, for my childhood boyfriend that lived across the ocean; I feel unparalleled excitement when I talk about my passions, possibilities make me giddy and in contrast I can feel immense sadness, a melancholy that can run so deep it seems there is no end in sight. I always considered this a flaw of mine- too emotional. And yet, I am notorious for deflecting these said emotions; using underwhelming adjectives such as fine and good to describe the enormity of these feelings. Perhaps there is too much, emotion that is, swirling around in my mind, in my heart, to put into words.

Lately, I’ve found solace in quiet moments, often times, alone, doing what I love. A time to reflect, to feel those exact emotions that I keep buried so well. Learning to embrace the feelings and all that come with them, a goal for the new year and onward. A loneliness to be welcomed because of these moments, captured on camera, of those simple things that bring me pure joy. A joy the camera can’t even hide.  And a reminder, if nothing else, how incredibly lucky we are to feel all that we do.

And so, as one of my favorite songs goes, “here I am, here I stand, alone and on my own again”.

Photos by George Santamouris